Ninjas, Alcohol, And Fire Jutsu
by YamiPaladinofChaos
Summary: They just don't mix.


"WHAT. THE. HELL." Sakura gritted out, glaring furiously at the ragtag collection of ninja. Inner Sakura was busy swearing up a storm, and promising each and every one of them a rather

"Uh... not so loud, please Sakura." Naruto muttered groggily, rubbing his head, the purple bruise around his eye clearly visible.

"You mind telling me what you're doing in here?" she demanded, wishing she could reach over and throttle the blonde.

"Ask Kakashi..." the demon vessel replied, closing his eyes.

Her glare turned towards the smirking (she could tell because of his eye) jounin, who shrugged. "It's not that bad, Sakura..." he began, in that voice he used when he apologized for being late.

"Not that bad!" she snapped, clenching her fists. Inner Sakura promised that Kakashi would feel the "Thousand Years Of Pain" in places pain shouldn't be for more than a minute.

"How the Hell was I supposed to know Lee was an angry drunk!" Naruto grumbled, wincing at the pain in his eye. Stupid fox was probably even worse off than he if it wasn't healed yet.

"Idiot. You should have dodged." Sasuke drawled, looking as indifferent as he could with mussed up hair and bloodshot eyes.

"Oh, because you were a great help!" Naruto shot back, glaring at the Uchiha.

"Sasuke... why didn't you use your head?" Sakura said, exasperated more than angry, looking at him in dismay.

Sasuke shrugged.

"Gai-sensei... my youth feels dwindled..." Rock Lee moaned, nursing a brutal hangover.

"Fear not! The flames of your youth shall defeat your hangover!" Gai proclaimed, standing up and posing... only to fall on his ass, realizing he was still partially inebriated. He sat there, rather dazed.

"You suck at holding your drink, y'know that Lee?" Kiba interjected, looking scruffier than normal. Akamaru drooped, blinking blearily every now and then.

Sighing and rubbing her head, trying not to give in to Inner Sakura, she turned towards those who hadn't spoken yet. "Iruka-sensei? Neji? Shikamaru? Chouji? Do any of you have anything to say?"

Shikamaru leaned into the wall and said nothing.

Chouji looked rather bashful... and hungover.

Iruka looked absolutely mortified, and did not meet her gaze.

Neji shrugged. "The Byakugan acts a bit funny when you're drunk." He stated easily.

"You better believe that the Gondaime will hear about this." Sakura stated, crossing her arms sternly.

Only Iruka looked the slightest bit affected.

"Okay, does anyone have any explanation for any of this?" she asked, glaring at each one of them in turn.

"So we got a little drunk Sakura... its not big deal..." Naruto said, waving his hand indifferently.

"No big deal!" Sakura shrieked, bristling with indignation. "You destroyed a bar, set fire to half the town, and got arrested! All of you!"

Blinking, all the males turned towards Sasuke, who shrugged. "Alcohol and Fire Jutsu don't mix." He said simply.

Sakura, rubbing her forehead and already exhausted despite being woken up barely an hour ago, looked at them wearily. "Okay, so what happened?"

Kiba looked at the others for a moment, and decided he should explain. "Well... we decided that we should celebrate Naruto beating- I mean bringing Sasuke back with a round of drinks."

Sasuke grunted, looking rather off-put. After all, its not like he wanted to celebrate getting his butt handed to him.

"And then Lee got drunk..." Naruto added, glaring at the taijutsu user.

"Sorry, Naruto." Lee apologized sheepishly.

"And he started trying to pick a fight with a table..." Shikamaru interjected, looking still rather bewildered by the incident.

"We tried to calm him down... but he punched Naruto, as you can see." Chouji gestured towards the scowling blonde.

"Then... then..." Naruto shuddered, and shook his head. "Then Lee starting coming on to... to..."

Sakura's eyes widened, and she looked to each of the shaking boys in turn. Inner Sakura was playing out several fantasies and a few nightmares.

"To a broom." The Kyubi vessel couldn't hold it back anymore, and just started roaring with laughter, falling on his butt and crying tears.

Sakura blinked.

Then blinked again.

"After that, Sasuke got a bit surly and started complaining that his Grand Fireball never seemed to work in a fight." Kakashi picked up the story, and the Uchiha in question scowled.

"So you let him use a jutsu. While drunk." Sakura deadpanned, staring at him with unnerving eyes.

"Uh... right." They all nodded, looking rather abashed.

"After that..."

Sakura groaned.

Kiba continued the ever increasingly disturbing tale. "Lee thought that Iruka was trying to steal his broom and started trying to attack him..." the teacher glanced downwards, face flaming red with embarrassment.

"Upon which Neji started yelling about the Main House being unfair and used the Kaiten to smash the drinks..." Kakashi added in, looking at the Branch House Hyuuga.

"When you started trying to attack me, I believe." Neji responded, looking piercingly at the jounin.

"And then Chouji collapsed from all the drinks, and Shikamaru was trying to get Chouji off of him..." Naruto said, before an argument could break out.

"And then Sasuke tripped over them, and the Grand Fireball hit the liquor..." Kakashi shrugged again.

"Really, it was all one big misunderstanding, really." Iruka pleaded, looking at Sakura desperately. "Its not like we intended any of this to happen..."

Sakura just stared, completely unable to find words.

The moral of the story?

Don't go drinking with ninjas.


End file.
